I’m in the process of getting prepped for THE FULL TAKEOVER OF RESPONSIBILITIES and it is…difficult. Being able to flit in and out of the classroom because of my courses was a misleading experience. It really only gave me a glimpse of the bad days, days like the ones we have been having in my kindergarten classroom.
Managing the classroom. I think that’s the biggest RESPONSIBILITY I am most afraid of. I can teach the academics (I think. I hope). But implementing “Positive Discipline,” “Cooperative Discipline,” “Blahdy-blah Discipline” is proving to be much harder than I thought, especially on days like today when my beautiful, intelligent, surprisingly-astute students push me to the limits of my patience. Do they understand that I don’t want to be the drill sergeant telling them to be quiet in the hallways? Do they understand I do it because I want that recommendation for a job next year? Can they see the beads of sweat forming on my hairline when I realize I’m losing them?
I hate to sound so insecure because I know I’m going to be a good teacher…one day. Scratch that. I know I am a good teacher and I know I will get better. It’s just so frustrating to be in that stage of my career where I haven’t figured out what works and what doesn’t. I feel like I’ve been trying so many different hats, piling things on that it’s just starting to weigh me down. How can I simplify it? Is that even what I need to do or is it supposed to be this complicated?
The more I reflect on my classroom management, the more I see that I need to take responsibility for how the students are behaving. It’s so easy to chalk it up to a “bad day,” or “So-and-so is having trouble at home,” or even “He just needs some more time to mature.”
I think I need to be calmer. I need to be even-toned. I need to be the adult my students need me to be, and make Every.Single.Expecation.Clear.and.Explicit. Ok. I think I can work on that for now.